easybreezy

I would just like to say Thank You!  to the ladies that came by to read my last blog :o)  You made me smile and gave me encouragement.  When I stated that it changed on here,  I guess I should have also stated that I still love it here but, it is just weird how it’s quieter… I guess is how some of ya put it. I know that I couldn’t complete this journey if I didn’t have you guys here to give me encouragement and keep me in check.  I thank God that I found this site and I thank you for helping me lose the weight I have :o)  I do have a long way to go and it’s a lot tougher this time around but, I’m not throwing in the towel,  because I deserve to be healthy and happy and so do you!

This past weekend and the beginning of this week were crazy…  I went on a party bus and usually I don’t drink,  I’m just not to into it but, this time I did.  I was good all the way up until the ride home where I blacked out.  I woke up sick the next day thinking it was just a hangover went into work not feeling well and home to sleep.   Monday rolls around and I still don’t feel good my stomach was in knots twisting and turning and I felt nauseous so I called into work.  Tuesday rolls around and I still don’t feel well!  I’m pretty positive I had a nasty stomach bug =/  I woke up feeling better today well Wednesday,  I guess it’s technically Thursday now.

I think I’m about 99% positive that I’m switching gyms…. I’ve said before that I hate going to my gym cause I feel so out of place.  I’m going to switch back to the gym that helped me lose 67lbs this way I will actually go to the gym and not dread it.  I love my old gym I could go any time of day I wanted to and the one I’m at now is on their time not mine so bye-bye they go :oP  I’m a night owl anyways and can’t seem to sleep at night so going to the gym at 11pm and coming home at 3am was normal for me, now not going is the normal for me.

Well I think I jumped around on this blog enough… I hope everyone enjoys their Thursday :o)

Exactly what the title says is how I feel…  I used to get excited to log on here and see all my friends and read up on how they’re doing and talk to them.  Things sure have changed in a year,  now I’m lucky to have a couple that still get on here that I used to talk to all the time.  I understand that life takes over and getting on here takes time,  a lot of time but, my friends gave me that drive to keep on going, keep fighting this battle.  I think I’m finding it hard to connect to anybody cause I feel like I’m basically starting here all over again even though I’ve been here since ‘08.  Thank you to the people that still wander by and say hello to me :o)   Sometimes I think I should just close my account here…  I just wish this was the upbeat BS that it used to be.  I think I will go find my buddies bloggies now and read them for some uplifting!

Last week I was on a Staycation but, I would have rather been on my Cancuncation as I call it :o)  January can’t come fast enough now!!  I’ll be making some yummy veggie stir fry later and buying some healthy food to stock up on.  Have a happy weekend everybody =D  I get to spend my sat. night on a party bus…. woohoo (I find going to bars very boring) I’m so excited HaHaHa.

Well today was the start of my vacation from work, however I’m such a  nice person that I’m going to work a 3rd for a friend of mine who couldn’t get one dang person out of the 50 to work it.  Why should I have to come off from vacay to work a shift and then return to my wonderful vacation?  Shouldn’t somebody else not on vacation be kind enough to take her shift…. apparently not.  That’s my only rant hahaha.

Well today was a great day with food and kind of okay day for exercise.  I ate great and I’m at my allotted amount of calories, well under actually.  The working out was my problem…  I had no motivation to get up and go.   I was up and ready to workout to dvd’s at home cause I have a million to choose from but, only one of them worked (Jillian Micheal’s Cardio Kickboxing)  so I did that.  After that I thought about going to that gym that I hate so much and just didn’t want to.  It’s was going to be super busy cause everyone was out of work by then and it seems everyone flocks there right after 5pm.  I hate going with a million people there. I’m just happy I did the one workout.  I’m getting up at 5:30am tomorrow to take my friend to the train station,  he and his boyfriend are going to Chicago since we aren’t in Cancun now.  When I get back from taking them I’m going to go home and eat then head to the gym.  Tomorrow is my higher calorie day and I’m going to get coffee with my sister in a beautiful town in MI called Frankenmuth.  This town holds the worlds largest Christmas store and there town is like a little Bavaria every building looks like it belongs in Germany and the restaurants are awesome there.  I’ll be walking up and down that street looking through the shop and on the hunt for a caramel apple :o)  I’ll share don’t worry!  After that I’m heading to P.F. Changs for dinner with some friends…. I’m so looking forward to tomorrow.  Mainly cause I love that town and walking through it and I’ve been wanting to go to this coffee shop with my sister for what seems like forever.  Okay off to head to bed now…. Ehhh I hate getting up early!

Well yesterday I found out I wasn’t going on my Cancun trip… big bummer!  I guess we are postponing it until January or February since a hurricane named Paula decided she wanted to take her wrath out on my vacay destination.  I was really mad at first because I could really use a getaway right now and this was going to be perfect but, the more I thought about it I see it was a blessing in disguise for me.  I have a ton more time to get back into some sort of shape other than this blob that I am now.  I have been having problem with my face breaking out and the mediation I’m on hasn’t started working yet (crossing fingers that it does) and I can get my tan on before I go :o)  So instead of running around like my head is cut off tonight trying to pack.  I get to sit here and blog my little heart out!  Oh  something kind of funny…I just remembered that when I found out the bad news I wanted to quit eating healthy for the day and go home and eat a bowl of ice cream and cry.  Now of course I wasn’t going to do that but, it shows me how addicted I am to food and how my emotions are no doubt connected to my belly :oP

Yesterday I think I wrote how I had gotten a 2 hr workout in the day before and that I wanted to get a 3hr one in yesterday I was determined to get my 3 hrs but, my legs weren’t going to let me.  I usually with no problem can do 1 hr on the Elliptical machine and 1  hr with some hip pain on the Treadmill.   I hoped on that Elliptical and struggles during my first half hour, I was shocked I would look at that time clock every 5 mins. hoping that at least 30 mins were up and finally after what seemed like forever my 30 mins. rolled around.  I had to think about the situation and if I thought I could push through it for another 30 I decided my legs were probably going to give out.  I did accomplish my hour on the Treadmill so I was happy about that.

This next weeks plans are to workout as much as I can since I will not be working and I will have nothing to do.  As crazy as this sounds but, I actually like working cause it means I don’t have to workout as much for that day.  However I needed this time off and I am going to keep chugging away.  I have done great these last few days and I really have faith in myself that I am going to do well.  Tonight I made the Hungry Girl version of Taco Bell’s CrunchWrap Supreme while my mom ate the real thing.  There are over 500 calories in the original one and I got to make 2 homemade ones and I still have calories left to consume.  Friday is going to be my High calorie day because I’ve been dying to go to P.F. Changs so some friends and I will be going there.  and I think I am going to weigh myself tomorrow morning to see if my body is responding to me all of a sudden cutting out all the crap I was eating and getting back to drinking my gallon of water everyday.

Today I babysat this little cutie…

She’s my niece,  my best friends little baby… I’m also the Godmother to her and her 8 yr old brother.    I will also be babysitting the this next week since they live almost a half hour away & I rarely get to see her :o(

Monday I committed  myself to writing everything down that I ate and working out, and I’m very proud to say I did just that.  I had my breakfast ready for me but, when I woke up my sister had bought me a doughnut (my favorite kind at that) I told myself no I had to weigh myself before I eat anything (I did not eat that devil in disguise.)  Now the dreaded part was weighing myself I’ve done a lot of damage over the year mostly over the past few months.  Things got out of control and I’m noticing it so I knew that the scale wasn’t going to be kind.  My lowest weight recorded on my Wii is 167 pds in Sept of ‘09 I was very excited to see that number and so ready to keep pushing to my mini-goal of 150.  Monday my weight recorded on the Wii was 188.9 , so basically 190 WHAT!!  I couldn’t believe it, yet I could, that motivated me into breaking out my running shoes and going for a run.   After my run I decided to go to the gym that I hate so much and I did an hour on the Elliptical and 20 mins. on the treadmill so in all I did 2 hours of exercising go me!  I wrote down everything I ate and ate no junk food only good for my body food :o)  This past year of not being adamant about watching what I eat and exercising has really taught me that it is not going to be as easy as I thought (and I already knew it wasn’t going to be easy) I’m going to need to be my own drill sergeant for the rest of my life.   I plan to make today a repeat of yesterday, hopefully I will be getting more exercise time in though :o)

Today I’m getting to the gym by Noon so I can get my workout on until 3pm then I have to pick my sister up from school thurs. the day I leave but, I wanted to know if my working out for 2 hrs was enough or not. Must have been I’m down to 187.0 So I 1.9 pds from yesterday :o)  Now to keep that up!  Well I better go so I can hop on that Elliptical.  I hope everyone else is having a great day so far too!!

I’ve decided to reward my weight loss…. I’m thinking that may help me get more motivated.  I really want to get a couple dermal piercings right on my cleavage area ;o)   but, I’m thinking since I want them so bad I should use this as motivation.  This may or may not work but, as long as I at least start working out again I’ll be a happy camper.

For those very few of you I’m friends with on Facebook you know that I’m going to Cancun, Mexico here in 5 short days.  Funny thing is not even that motivates me.  I actually keep telling myself I don’t care what I look like and I will pose for millions of pics even if I don’t want to.  This is an amazing opportunity that was given to me and damn it why shouldn’t I be carefree and worry free!  Better said than done.  I’m thinking this might help me but,  I think come time to put on my suit and I’ll be thinking other wise lol!   This trip is the most last minute trip I’ve ever taken and all I had to pay for was my flight.   Everything is all inclusive so I get free food and drink so I’m going to be living it up down there :o)  I’m so excited for this trip!  Haha I bet you couldn’t tell ;o)

Oh I went to an Orchard today,  I thought maybe it would be a better place  to get my apples and have fun looking around enjoy some cider but, no… the apples were cruddy the cider was well I passed on that and I didn’t get to walk around the orchard I walked around inside the store :o(  Boring.  I did get a 1/2 peck of Fuji apples and already ate one so I guess that was the only plus haha :o)   I think I’m going to a movie with my cousin tonight, he’s like a brother to me and he moved to Pittsburgh so I never see him.  I also went to work 4 1/2 hrs early whoops!  So I work later than I thought I did so I guess when I get back from the movie I will be getting my food ready for the week :o)  Yay!

Before I go I have a question for anybody that might be able to help me.  I’ve been having trouble sleeping,  I can be in bed and lay there for hours not being able to actually fall asleep.  It has gotten so bad that I don’t fall asleep until 5am almost every night and then I don’t wake up until after Noon.  This has gotten unacceptable for me but, I can’t seem to find a way to fix it.  I’ve thought about staying up all night and day (pulling an all nighter I guess you’d call it)  so once like 9pm rolls around I’ll definitely be tired but, then I’m worried my performance at work will be compromised.  So here’s the question what do you know about over the counter sleep aids?  Of course I’m not looking for something addictive I just want it for a few days to get me back into a routine.  Are they horrible for you?  Should I try them? Or if you have any other suggestion I’m willing to listen :o)

Well today was a busy day for me…  well I guess yesterday since it’s technically Saturday for me (so when I say today in this blog think yesterday)  It started with getting up and going to a funeral :o(  This year has been the year of deaths so I can’t wait to welcome 2011.  I know 4 people that have passed away this year alone ages ranging from 19-80 yrs old it’s very sad.  Today wasn’t a day I focused on food.  I didn’t start with breakfast and didn’t eat until 3:30pm and it was funeral food so I ate whatever was there.  There was actually good for you food if they hadn’t smothered it in butter and sugars.  I did enjoy some fruit Mmmm :o)  I haven’t actually stopped and weighed myself yet so basically what I am saying is I haven’t jumped into it yet.  I’m not snacking as much and I am watching what I am eating a little better than what I was doing.  When I get out of work today I am cutting my apples up and weighing them out into storage containers,  I’m weighing out a weeks worth of oatmeal,  peeling all my oranges and weighing them out into 50 calorie servings and then weighing out my soup and putting it into 1 serving containers.  I know this will help me if I have breakfast and lunch weighed out for a week all I’ll have to worry about is dinner and it won’t feel so overwhelming for me.   I’ll also pick a weigh in day I’m thinking Tuesday so I’ll stay good on the weekend ;o)  I’m not sure yet.   Now to figure out the working out problem lmao :o)  Well I know this was probably boring but, I wanted to make sure I got on here and blogged.  I don’t want to repeat my past where I came back for a a couple days and leave again… that will not be happening.  Your support is far to vital to me than quietly sneaking away again.  Thanks for reading my ramblings.  I’m off to bed now it’s 1am and I’m tired.  I’ll be back later today to catch up on some blogs.

The title explains it all…  I started this journey in September of 2008 I started off with a bang.  First I joined a gym went at least 6 days a week for 4 hours a day working out hard and sweating my ass off.  I loved it as crazy as that sounds.  At first I did the Slim-Fast plan drinking 2 shakes a day then eating a meal for dinner.  Then my aunt and uncle bought me a food scale (this is the same aunt and uncle I’ve talked about in my past blogs, the ones I think like to sabotage my efforts at weight loss by giving me homemade sweets) so I started weighing my dinners out.  This graduated into me starting to actually eat a breakfast, snack, eat lunch, snack & then have dinner.  Now I went to the gym at night about an hour or so after dinner and I loved going at that time.  If I worked late the latest being 10:30 I would go after that and stay until 3 in the morning no biggie I’m a night owl anyways the good Lord knows I’m not an early bird!!   I was so good around the holidays and continued to lose and journal and blog my little heart out.  I think after the new year going into 2009 is when I started to Plataea  and struggle with losing… I loved how I looked I had lost around 50 pounds and would pose in every picture I could jump in.   I started working out because in Sept of 2009 I was to be a bridesmaid in a wedding and I didn’t want to be the fat girl in the pictures she’d have for the rest of her life.  No biggie though,  even though I plateaued  I still worked out and kind of cared about what I was eating.  Things started to go downhill at the beginning of ‘09 it started with not working out for as long but, at least I was still working out.  I kept journaling my food but, if I went over a little I didn’t stress or beat myself up for it… yet I went over my calories everyday.  Come summer I managed to not gain and struggled to loose a pound here and there.  The wedding came and went (Now Sept ‘09) it had been 1 whole year since I had started this journey.  I took on a 2nd job & then the holidays came, no problem I got through them in ‘08 I could do it again… WRONG!  I ate candy, crap, fatty foods, and more crap  WTH!!  I asked myself why couldn’t I do it if I had done it before I had no answer.  I think I can answer it now it was the fact that I was stressed to the max cause I was the only one in my house with a job and I was very emotional cause working so much was taking a toll on me.  I would journal here and there basically I would journal my breakfast and lunch and then forget about it after that Oh and once I started that job in Sept ‘09 I stopped working out all together.  I kept journaling crappy and eventually stopped journaling right before summer hit.  I’ve workout out here and there I was running with a friend for a while and she got busy so we don’t anymore.  This is where I’m at October 2010.  I stopped everything and I can’t believe it.  You would think if I wasn’t going to workout I would at least watch what I eat but, I don’t…. I have this weird mindset where it’s all or nothing.  If I do 1 I’ll do the other but, If I’m not going to do 1 then why bother with the other!?  Stupid huh! I’ve had a lot of stress this past year but, I’m hoping things are getting better.  This year hasn’t been kind to me or the people I know and love but, I am working on taking care of myself again.  I started by buying a new scale I’ll miss my old one it helped me lose over 30lbs!  I wanted to give it a burial but, someone thought it was weird of me so I tossed it in the garbage instead :o(  Okay here is where I feel lost…. I feel like I don’t know what foods to eat, it just overwhelms me when I think about it.  Last time I started with the shakes so I bought some mix and well my body wants food, not that shake crap lol!  I looked in my journal from the last couple years to get ideas but, it just looked so overwhelming.  I know, I know,  I sound dumb and like I’m looking for excuses I really don’t know what it is though.  I’m just going to jump into it again and hope that it works for me and my body responds with me losing weight instead of looking at a no loss no gain situation.

*Look at the stars, look how they shine for you…*

Well I’ve quit my morning job that was sucking the life out of me… yay!!!   I’ve started to run in the morning with a friend of mine and it’s going well.  We run roughly 2 1/2 miles every morning and after the run I’ve been going to the gym to get in another 2-3 hrs of workout in.  I’m enjoying this getting up and getting a  great start on the day, best idea I’ve had yet!  This whole next week we’ll be running at 7am a little earlier then I think I can manage but,  I will be going.   It sure does help having someone waiting for you so you have to go lol :oP   The only thing I need to get back on track with is journal what I’m eating and  hopping on that scale.  I used to journal every morsel I ate and now nothing and I used to weigh myself every day and haven’t been doing either for a while.  Today is a new day and it’s off to a great start so I’m keeping it that way!  Have a great day my fellow buddies =D

I’ve worked 140 hours these past 2 weeks now and I’m exhausted.  I woke up at 1:30p again today and I had the day off from work so I looked at cars,  still no luck though.  I get to update my weight ticker I lost 2 whole pounds this past week.  I’m keeping Saturdays as my weigh in day since I always seem to have it off.  For how much I worked I thought it would be more but, I am very happy with any loss at all.  I was going to make tonight a higher calorie dinner night but, it ended up not being and I’m sitting in at under 1,200 cal right now.  I made Fiber 1 pancakes and added walnuts to the batter and cut up bananas and strawberries to go on top along with some Thick & Creamy Yoplait Yogurt on top also and some Sugar Free syrup to dip it in on the side is some sweet potato hashbrowns and some veggie sausage patties,  it is sooo delish =]  Tomorrow I am going to my fathers for my little brothers birthday.  No cake for me maybe a little icecream though… I’m not playing around anymore lol.  Tonight I am going out to a friends house and I’m being the D.D.  my friend told me I could have one drink but, I told him hell to the no I need to look good for Vegas!   It’s on like Donkey Kong!!!!    bahahaha   oh I’m excited to read Nickolas Sparks Dear John next so I bought that tonight I can’t wait to read it…  I’ll be a zombie for the next fews days hehe =]  SorryI haven’t been on but, I think this is how it will work I can logon on the weekends for sure and maybe a couple times during the week so sorry if I don’t get to your blogs I will try to catch up though!