easybreezy

I weighed in after having not since the 14th of Nov.  let me tell you I had not worked out for a week straight so I was scared I had gained a lot of weight back.  Well I worked my ass of at the gym last night I arrived at the gym at 1030pm and didn’t get home till 4am wowzer that’s a long time and my lower back is killing me I think I pulled a muscle

Well I’m happy I hadn’t gained any weight because I lost 3 pounds  even after not working out and having all that yummy Thanksgiving food oh and 2 pieces of cheesecake because that’s my freaking weekness *drooling*.  I hope everyone had a wonderful Holiday I’m going shopping now for presents yay!

First and foremost Happy Thanksgiving!!!

So I think I was disapointed in myself because I haven’t worked out in what will be a whole week straight come turkey day Ahh!! I know right…. well I realized it’s because I’m going over to my fathers side of the family Thanksgiving day and I’m the only fat one in the family.  I’m like the black sheep of that side of my family actually only one with tattoo’s and 14 holes in their body and the only overweight / obese person so it makes me really self concious.  I was thinking about this last night and the whole goal to lose 50 lbs. by turkey day and def. not succeding and I realized I’ve lost so much weight already in 2 whole months and that’s what I’m grateful for!  I know I can lose this weight by Christmas I hope to actually lose more than 50 lbs. by then but, that’s my new mini goal.  I know even if my gamily doesn’t recognize my weight loss I do and I’m ok with it for now just as long as that scale keeps moving down right buddies!!  Oh and I’ve been totally cheating this week lol but next week as I said in a previous post I’m going to give my ass a kicking Jillian Micheals style yeah I’m a weirdo I imagine her behind me yelling in my ear but it helps me beat myself up.  Well I’m done rambling on Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving and enjoy all that yummy food out there!

One day I’ll have a good blog to post one where I had some amazing weight loss or where I’m not complaining this however is not it….

I’m going to admit it now It’s Monday and last week I worked out 3 days total and this week I’m forseeing NO workouts, yup you heard me None.  It’s that time of month and I barely make it to work those days.  I’ve tried working out when (as some of you ladies refer to it as) “Tom” is here and  I however cannot.  As soon as he’s packed up and moved on I’m back on track and busting ass as much as possible I’m going to AMP up my workouts and go no less than 6 days a week.  I’m hoping he’s here for a short visit because I’d really love to go as much as possible this week due to last weeks tragicness (is that a word?!?) so pray for me,  lol totally just kidding with that bahaha… well enough personal talk from me good night or good morning however you would like to look at it, it is 3 a.m. peace out my buddies : D

I’m usually not one to ask for help.  I guess I’m like one of those “proud” people they can kind of be annoying because you know they need help and when you offer it they basically tell you to shove it & that they can do it on their own… yeah Hi thats me.  Well this week has been a horrible week for me just feeling like I don’t want to do anything so I don’t.  I worked out a total of well 3 times this week & thats if I get my lazy ass up there tomorrow.  I have to workout a total of no less than 6 times a week I figure to see any major results and I’m doing so poorly.  On top of that I haven’t been following my diet as strictly as I should be I mean I’m not going crazy eating but I’m not eating very healthy either.  I won’t indulge in what I’ve been eating but I just can’t say NO!! Argh I’m pissing myself off.  I used to love going to the gym I went everyday for 2 weeks straight at the begining now I can’t even get myself to barely go 3 times this week… what the heck?!?  I need to start following my diet like I did in the begining and excersizing like I was.  Now I haven’t said this but I’m in a wedding come March maybe May well one of those months next year and I’d like to be to my goal weight by then if I’m not there but at least close to it then I wont be mad.  I didn’t start this whole journey because of that but it really helps knowing I want to look good in that bridesmaids dress.  My mini goal was to lose 50 lbs by thanksgiving and well I’m def. not close so for that I’m mad at myself because I could have gotten my ass up this week but I haven’t I could have been that much closer!!  I need help and I’ll take it this time maybe if someone has a weekly weigh in where a bunch of people post it in one place it will make me work harder because these weekly weigh ins with myself are not pushing me.

I just want to get this off my chest well I’d also like some fat off my chest too but, this will work for now.  I hate it when people compliment me… weird I know but, I actually feel very self concious about this.  I just feel when people say “wow you are looking good or how much have you lost…” I really don’t like to acknowledge that they said anything or tell them how much, It’s really none of there business.  Do you guys feel me or am I just dumb.  Now this is where I’m weird,  my father he’s someone who has said something about my laziness when I was a kid.  I remember him telling me I was lazy and all I did was lay on the couch when I’d visit him on the weekends.  In my defense it was mindnumbingly boring over there no playmates & no toys… blow your brains out boring no lie.  So I’ve always kept that in my memory,  it’s tough to forget your own father saying this to a 10 year old.   Well I remember when I was 14 I decided I was going to become a Vegetarian I over heard him tell my stepmother “Oh this will only last 2 weeks she’ll be over it by then.”  well in your  face it’s 10 years and I’ll never look back!  & no I’m not a vegetarian still because of that.  Well the whole point of these stories are that he knows I’m on  a diet and I’m going to the gym I barely see him but, when I did see him last he never said “Oh have you been losing weight or you’re looking a little slimmer.”  That’s the only person I would like to acknowledge whats going on I dont want like a “Oh my god you look fantastic” just a little acknowledgement but, then again I don’t want him to say anything that’s where my “Im weird” part comes in.  Why is it that I don’t want some to say anything but a cartain people to say something yet not really want them to?!?  I’m so confusing!  What a mess.  You guys are the only ones I like to share anything with until I hit my goal weight you know whats going on we’re all on the same journey so I feel comfortable with you all.  I also hate it when people make fun of you for being fat it’s like who are you to be able to say something about me and my weight you’re not me you don’t know what it’s like!  I remember when I was in 8th grade I left a book in my history class so the next day I found it and the word fat cow was written on it… needless to say I despised the guy who had written it and yes I knew who had.  Stupid immature jerks!  Noo I don’t hold my feelings in for long at all lol… well I’m over that now.

On another note I love this losing weight thing but, getting pretty pissed that I get stuck at the same weight for 2 weeks then move past that by losing 5  or so lbs. then get stuck at that weight for 2 weeks geeshoo pete’s what the heck!!

As I previously stated I did it.  I weighed in after like 2 weeks of not.  I didn’t weigh in because I wasn’t feeling good a couple weeks back and so I barely worked out.  Last week I was having an off week that I had stayed the same weight for awhile or only lost 2 pounds so I didn’t feel it necessary to weigh in a 2 pound weight loss but, now I weighed myself tonight and I’ve lost 7 pounds!! I’m excited I would have really like to have lost 50 pounds by thanksgiving but it’s looking more like 40 maybe 45 but, I still have dreams that I may be able to push myself and make it to 50.  On another note I started this journey (thats what I’m calling it) in a size 18 jeans WOW can we say Holy Shit!! well I’m down to a size 14 which have to be held up by a belt I can fit in my little sisters size 12 but, they’re kinda tight maybe a little painted on looking lol so I’m sticking with the 14’s but, I can’t wait till I see those size 12’s and hopefully go WAY beyond those and get out of the double digits in pants.  Well that’s all Ladies and Gentlemen till next time.  Good luck to everyone!!!

 I thought I’d post the lyrics to this song because when I’m working out and start feeling worn down I listen to this song and it instantly turns me around and I actually start working out harder.  I like to think that my grandma that died a year ago is watching me and guiding me I know she’d be proud of what I’m doing for myself.

If you workout with an iPod or MP3 player download it I love it.  It’s not fast or that upbeat but it’s inspirational.

“Someone’s Watching Over Me”
Hillary Duff

Found myself today
Oh I found myself and ran away
Something pulled me back
The voice of reason I forgot I had
All I know is you’re not here to say
What you always used to say
But it’s written in the sky tonight

So I won’t give up
No I won’t break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I’m standing in the dark I’ll still believe
Someone’s watching over me

Seen that ray of light
And it’s shining on my destiny
Shining all the time
And I wont be afraid
To follow everywhere it’s taking me
All I know is yesterday is gone
And right now I belong
To this moment to my dreams

So I won’t give up
No I won’t break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I’m standing in the dark I’ll still believe
Someone’s watching over me

It doesn’t matter what people say
And it doesn’t matter how long it takes
Believe in yourself and you’ll fly high
And it only matters how true you are
Be true to yourself and follow your heart

So I won’t give up
No I won’t break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even if it all goes wrong
When I’m standing in the dark I’ll still believe
That I won’t give up
No I won’t break down
Sooner than it seems life turns around
And I will be strong
Even when it all goes wrong
When I’m standing in the dark I’ll still believe
That someone’s watching over
Someone’s watching over
Someone’s watching over me

Someone’s watching over me

Well I’ve been meaning to post on here but haven’t found the time between work and working out.  So I work at the least a four hour shift and workout at the the least for 4 hours and I’m just realizing I workout like it’s a second part time job,  which I was looking for soo I guess I found it LOL.  Well for Halloween I didn’t eat any candy however,  I did have a couple brownies which are my all time fave and some worms and dirt, oh goodness it was soo yummy.  On election day my friend and I got up early and voted then decided to go out to lunch, well we found ourselves at Red Robin,  I ordered the Boca Burger with  onion sauce on the side and fries which I meant to sub for something healthier but, she walked away before I could, so I took it as it was meant to be for me to eat those fries bahaha theres some of my excuses for ya.  I ate almost all my burger and did pick through my fries so I’m proud I didn’t eat ALL my food which I always used to do.   I think of those poor starving children in Africa when I throw food away so I used to clean my plate by eating all the food, gee I wonder how I got how I am.  Well because off all this the last week and a half I haven’t officially weighed in because Tuesday I weighed my self and I was at the same weight! AHH!!  This is why I hate cheating or eating shit… you’d think when I look at the scale and see the same weight after working out for so long I’d say NO you cant have that extra bite or extra treat but no I don’t listen to myself, well I’m going to start trying to be more firm with the no’s.  I’ve been slacking on how many days I’ve been working out throughout the week it’s been like 4 days maybe 5 days out of the 7,  when I first started working out i went 2 weeks straight no off days I realize that, that was a lil’ crazy for me,  I have only missed 1 day of working out this week and don’t plan on missing more so go me yay haha.

On another note so all my friends are obviously noticing that I’m shrinking and want to know how I am doing it.  I tell them I go to a gym it’s open 24 hours 365 days a year pretty awesome huh i think so.  Well they are amazed at how good that sounds and how good I’ve been looking.  Well now most all my friends want to join the gym which is great for them they want to get healthy its awesome.  Here’s my problem they want to go with me so I can give them motivation err I don’t like that and here’s why…

If they aren’t motivated people I cannot help them, I’m barely motivated myself people!!!

All they’re going to do is jap there jaws while their there, I hate talking while I’m working out it makes me slooower.

I know this because a friend already joined and we fricken talk the whole time, which then I take even longer to workout cause we just gotta talk about everything!

My bestest friend whom I’ve dieted with before wants to join she’s only lasted 2 days on any previous diet’s we’d been on and thats no lie… I told her how long I workout for and here’s what she said “oh maybe I’ll just watch” BAHAHAHA yeah thats funny shit.

My friends think that if they join this gym they’re going to drop the weight like I have, now most of them are not fat just have a little extra weight but they don’t realize how hard I push myself and that they have to diet too.

I gave up a lot to start this journey I’ve began, I don’t drink only but on very good special occasions.  I stopped socially smoking and basically gave up seeing my friends because it takes so much of my time up.  I’m okay with this because it’s for me for my health.  I don’t think that these people are willing to do as much as I am.

In all I’m happy for them really I am if they really and truly are ready for this then I wish them all the best and I’ll give them a tour of the gym myself :o]

Oh and do any of you have people who tell you your losing to much stop losing weight or think your unhealthy because your dieting?  Well I do some family members think that I’m losing to much weight and that I’m not getting enough nutrients WTF!!   “Hi,  it’s nice you care but, your not me, your not the fat person,  god forbid I try to do good with my life and change myself for the better! P.S. This is thee happiest I’ve been in my adult life so, thank you for wanting me to be unhappy with my life and self… thanks!”

ohh that’s all I just really needed to get that last part out of me now it’s been in me for a few weeks now lol

I know this has nothing to do with losing weight, but I find it very important.

I do hope everyone that’s 18 yrs. or older VOTES,  it’s your right!!

If you really don’t think your vote counts your sadly mistaken.

That’s all… oh see you at the polls!!