easybreezy

I’ve been doing some thinking these past couple days about everything.  I think.. scratch that I know I need to reevaluate my eating habits as most on here seem to be doing lately.  I have been eating more than I usually do and I’m going to go back to the way I used to eat when I started this lifestyle change.  I’m going back to eating only a shake for breakfast a piece of fruit for my mid morning snack and  a shake for lunch and another piece of fruit for my mid afternoon snack then eat my 500 calorie dinner.  I think that might shock my system back into losing this weight at least I hope it does.  I’ve also got to get a handle on my snacking.  I will snack whenever as long as I still have the calories to eat and that has become a problem for me.   I haven’t done any exercise since Tuesday since I pulled that muscle again.  The last time I pulled it I kept working out for a month and finally I had to give myself a week off which worked out fantastic it hasn’t hurt since till now.  I can’t wait to get back to doing my thing  I probably could have worked out tonight, but I really don’t want to push it.  I’ve also been thinking about my routine I’ve been trying to think of ways to switch it up since I’ve hit this darn plateau I can’t think of a ton I can do differently because my gym is a teeny tiny place.   I know I’m going to incorporate some dvd’s in and see if that little bit of change helps.  I really do hope that when I get back to things this will help somethinghas got to give!

Oh and I think I’m going to go even shorter with my hair it was a drastic cut for me, but not as drastic as I wanted it to be.

 O I wrote this blog last night 1-29 so keep that in mind as you read it, it’s not really that important just a fact.

I wish I had your guys’ optimism…. I was reading some blogs last night and wished I had even half of it,  I would take it and run with it.  I was once a size 14 (coming from a starting size of 18) waiting ever so patiently to be in that next size down,  a size 12.  I would go to stores and hold those 12’s up to the sky and the lights would shine from behind them like they came from heaven,  glorious,  just  pure holiness.   I would periodically try on my sisters size 12 jeans fitting into them, but it looked as if they were painted on me, not really attractive.  I would continue trying them on until one day they pulled over my thighs, my bum, then hips holy cow would they button so effortlessy over my tummy….YES!! they did and it didn’t look like I was painted into them YAY!  I was finally in a size 12 officially!! I thought shoot I’ll stick with wearing hers  and in no time I’ll be in a size 10, saweet!!  So here I am sitting in my size 12 jeans for about 3 months now.  Somedays they feel lose (most),  somedays I can’t seem to suck in my tummy enough so it doesn’t hang over.  If I can’t trust my scale nor my clothes what is a girl to do!?!?  I’ve learned  don’t get to sure of myself, (try) to  remain optimistic (what I can find of it), but prepair yourself because anything can happen.

I’ve put that scale away and finally chopped off my hair….  nobody has touched my hair with scissors ohh for about 5 or 6 years now.  I thought it was now or never, I chose now…. living in the now with Journi!!

Why is it that it was easier to maintain my weight when I was fatter and at my heaviest than it is now???  Really…. before I started this journey in Sept.  I would weigh myself maybe once a month and I would always weigh 225 yet I ate crap, crap, and more crap.  Now I weigh myself *hmm* daily (I can’t help it) and my weight just goes up and yup you guessed it UP… yet I eat far less and exceptionally better.  What could be the meaning for this?  Really does anybody have any clue?

I know water weight, or muscles gained, but let me explain why I went crazy a couple weeks ago and decided to log off buddy slim for the weekend…

First Tom came and amazingly my cramps didn’t imoblize me and I worked out everyday he was here so I was pretty happy for that.  I weighed in at 171 (my smile was bigger than my face when I seen that)  before he came then when he got here it went to 175,  ok cool I know it was from him, but then towards the end of his visit I was up to 178!!  I worked out and ate great for the almost week long Tom visit so that got me bummed out, but I continued to work out and eat normal, but it wouldn’t go down.  So I went to the auto show about a week and a half ago and went out to eat and ate some fried veggie dumplings, my tofu and veggies  and cake for dessert I called it my free night.  I had a lot of calories open for that dinner, but I know I went over ok no problem for me I was already pissed at the scale and my mind was just going nuts.  That next night I asked my sister if she wanted to do a movie night and eat whatever no calorie counting not even looking at them so we did.  I ate a lot of crap and yes it tasted so good, I know this sounds crazy to me even, but I needed that & I know you wonder and want to say “,but Briahnna it’s only food!? why?”  well because I wanted to darn it :p

I had weighed last week on Tues. and it said 172 ok my ticker says that so I didn’t change it, but then it went back to 176 a couple days later wtf!?  then back down to 173 for the wildcat weigh in Fri.  Now I’m back to 175 as of today geesho petezo why am I yo-yoing so bad?  After that weekend splurge I have since eaten good no more crazy junk food being shoved in my mouth and I’ve uped my calories from 15oo-1900 (I vary from day to day) and I’ve been working out 5-6 days a week  as these last few  weeks have passed by I have been thinking about maintaining because basically that is what my body has been almost doing.  Buddy’s I seriously thought I was going to have a mental breakdown,  seriously.  My mind was so fried from all the calorie counting and measuring and weighing my food so I turned to food for comfort (I’m just now realizing this as I type!)   I guess I was weak for the moment and I feel like I’m becoming weaker and weaker,  not as weak to break down and do the food binge.  My body is playing a horrible joke on me and is telling me I’m not going to get to go any further,  this is also what I thought a couple weeks  ago  when the scale hit 178 again… my mind was seriously talking to me telling me things laughing at me and the scale was too.  I know I can escape the scale, but I can’t escape my mind… why must it do this to me?  I don’t want to sound pittiful other people on here have FAR more important troubles they are going through than me.  I just don’t understand :o(   Thus is the reason I signed off and have been depressed the last few weeks and I hate every bit of it.

I just got done making some yummy 108 calorie Caramel Pumpkin muffins that came out of the Hungry Girl Recipe book… they are smelling pretty fan freaking-tastic!

Tuesdays are supposed to be my guaranteed day off from work, but due to some scheduling conflicts and a dumb @ss computer glitch I’ve been scheduled these past few Tuesdays.  Today I arose at 9:45 hoping to get in two hours of cardio before I had to be to work at 1:30.  Yeah that did not happen.  Yesterday afternoon while doing my four hours at the gym I was doing the back extension machine weight and almost halfway through I felt a pinching pain in my back owwie :o(   I hopped off that one right away and stayed off anymore that included my back muscles which worked out great.  Until I got to the treadmill as I was trying to run I could really feel it in my back so I did a half hour instead of my usual hour and came home and did the 30 day shred video instead.  Everything worked out great I got my water in a little late.  I finally finished my last  half gallon at around midnight.  Usually Tuesdays are my own personal weigh in day and you all know the scale and I are not on great terms right now, well it said I was back up to 175 from 172 wtf…I just told myself it was water weight even though I was sure I peed my little heart out all night.  Yes I know it really is water weight,  so I guess Friday is when I’m switching my weigh in day to for the wildcats and myself.  I also think that I’m going to go back to working out after I eat my dinner which means I’m back to working out late at night again, but I’ve noticed that now when I workout in the afternoon my weight is just not going down.  I’ve spent  a month,  a month in the 170’s yo-yoing between 172 and 178 and it is really p!issing me off!!

I had a really yummy dinner tonight and I’m about to go eat one of those muffins and read my book that has me hooked much like a heroine addict needs their heroine  I need my Twilight.  Oh and BL is on yay :op

I haven’t been able to commit to buying new clothes yet I have bought 2 new coats.  I was excited to look for new coats because I get use out of them year after year since I do live in the arctic :p  I’ve always wanted one of those coats that had fur around the hood and they’re usually kind of puffy so I’ve never bought one well because it made me look fatter in the past and because I could never find one that was cute that fit.  I went to the mall and decided to look at American Eagle and low and behold all the way in the back left corner displayed ever so elegantly on the wall was an array of coats with fur around the hood.  They came in 3 colors Off white, Black, and an almost Army green I went straight for the white.  I tried on the medium first hoping my arms would fit they’re still on the thick side well it didn’t fit right so I put on the large perfect I bought it for $70.00 awesome!  Well the whole purpose of my coat shopping was to find one for skiing in so onto the Columbia coat store they’re known for their supper warm coats that are ideal for skiing and snowboarding and well living in the arctic.  I’ve always wanted a pink coat and by golly that was what I was going to get.  I picked up every single coat that was pink and tried them on.  I’ve had 2 ugly blue coats for 4 years now that are from this store in a size EXTRA large and now they are extra large on me.  This time last year both of them were so very hard to zip up due to all my fat layers.  I remember it very clearly cause now I swim in them and it makes me smile when I put them on.  Well I picked up the smallest size a small and thought oh what the heck I’m dreaming, but I’m going to try and gosh darn it I got them on!!!  I was so excited, it is snug on me, but I obviously will get use out of it year after year and I  wear it because it’s warmer than the ones that are to big… so I know next year it will be lose on me and I look forward to that.  New pink coat &79.00 wow thats a lot for coats =O.  I’m a coat junkie I have 7 of them I love switching them up.  Oh and when I got home I realized I tried on the coats with a hoodie  so the White one I got is to big I’ve been searching for the tags to take it back for the medium no luck yet, but darn it I will I don’t want it to be so big I won’t be able to wear it next year.

This is going to be a proud of myself blog… for the coats and that I’ve been doing great drinking at the least a gallon of water a day since Nancy kind of challenged us to.  I don’t usually like to do challenges for fear of failure, but I thought what the hay it’s something that needs to be done.  Sometimes I feel like I’m floating away especially Sat. night… I went to the bar for a friends birthday and since I don’t drink anymore I asked for a pitcher of water for myself  I had to have it filled 2 times and I was a frequent visitor to the bathroom.  I’m betting people thought I had a problem lol oh and there was only one stall because the other one was puke filled EWWW I don’t miss those days.

I think I’m doing great on getting my workouts in so much that I forget when the last time I had a day off was.  I have to make myself take a day off weird for me… I hope this wanting to go everyday doesn’t wear off anytime soon. Well I’m off I have to get up early to get in at least my 2 hours of cardio  before work tomorrow so I don’t miss BL lol that is thee one show I must see I even take the day off every week so I can get my workout in, in the afternoon so I have the night free unfortunately there has been a glitch the last couple weeks and I’ve had to work them boo hopefully it’s fixed by next week….how lame am I lol.  Ok goodnight I’m going to read New Moon the second book of the Twilight series,  so so good.

Well I feel like since I haven’t logged on here in the past few days that I’m totally out of the loop.  I’ll never do that again.  I just spent the last couple hours catching up on a handful of blogs and I’ve missed a lot.  I love reading everyones blogs and knowing how good they’re doing or if they’re not doing so well reaching out a helping hand.  It’s 2 a.m. now and I’m super tired.

I got up today at 11 a.m. I get up late because I’m up so late and I’m no morning person I’ve tried the 5 a.m. workouts and it wasn’t my thing.  I got up drank my shake then went to the gym for my long workout.  It ended up being 1 p.m. when I got there I left at 4:30.  I did my 2 hour stregth training and hour and a half  of cardio.  I then went home to do my last half hour of cardio through Comcast OnDemand I have been doing the Jillian Michaels 30 day shred, well it wouldn’t let me do the stupid workout I was flippen irate so I tried other ones nothing would work!!  I showered and got ready to go tanning because I’ve let that go and now I look like casper the ghost.   I pay every month for a membership and don’t even use it,  why do I do that!?   I’m just glad it’s not my gym membership going to waste.  I never did get to tan there was a 15 min. wait and I was to impatient.  Instead I went and bought some more of my vegetarian “meat” as I call it.  I bought some Tofu for the first time in my life.  I’ve been a Vegetarian for 10 years and this is the first time I’m going to attempt to make it myself.  I bought a lot of healthy food from the store and it got me excited I love it when I’m fully stocked on my food it helps keep me on track.  I bought some Tofu turkey slices, lactose free tofu cheese, Shiratake tofu spaghetti noodles, Boca chicken patties, Boca ground beef,Tofu chicken strips and most all of it has to be eaten within a week of opening so it keeps me on track to eat the healthier things instead of crap.  Oh and since I’ve upped my calories I bought some Yoplait yogurt and bought some of those yummy sounding flavors like cinnamon roll, apple turnover, strawberry shortcake and Boston cream pie they sound so delicious :o)  Usually I get Dannon light and fit because they only have 80 calories, but I’m letting myself splurge (as I call it) lol.  Now I just need to shop for my fruit which I’m about to run out of.

Part of the reason I haven’t logged on a lot is because I’m reading the Twilight Series and they are some excellent books I can’t seem to put them down!!!  I recommend them I haven’t read a book in years (for real) when I asked my little sister (her nose is always buried in a book) if I could read them I had to pick her bottom lip up off from the floor…seriously.  The other reason is because I live in a house with 2 other people and only one computer and they have gotten a little hoggish over the computer and don’t know the meaning of sharing!!  I guess they need to go back to kindergarten.   Well I’m off to relocate my mind right into that book I really feel like I’m there as I read every word.

I want to thank all of you for your concern and wondering as to where I’ve been.  I needed to take some time off.  I can’t say my life is crazy busy, but sometimes I feel like it is.  I needed time off from all the counting and weighing and journaling my daily consumptions.  I know what I didn’t need was time off from this site, but I needed all things diet related to cease for a moment in time.  I know some may think I’m crazy to not seek your encouraging words at a time like this, but I needed to remember what it was like before I started this journey.  As I stated in my previous blog I’m very frustrated at my scale and still currently want to shoot the mother trucker!  I’ve been at the same weight for 3 weeks (maybe longer I’ll have to check on that)  and it’s toying with my mind so much that I had to take some time out and think about just maintaining my weight for a while,  should be easy seeing that’s what seems to be happening.  I spent all Sunday thinking about how stressful this is for me…why I don’t know.  I feel like I’m a bit neurotic with my diet and other people think that I am too.  I definatly don’t and am not going to stop my diet,  infact today I was completely back on it %100 it felt great.  In the time off that I gave myself I let myself eat somethings that would not be on a diet & this was from Sat night thru Wed.  Why does food have such control over people, I don’t know, it’s not like it made me feel better although thats not why I ate what I did.  It was just nice not having to be so anal over every particle of food I put into my mouth.  I learned from this though.  I need to let myself have somethings not in my diet more often in moderation so I won’t go nutty like I feel like I have.  I don’t mean everynight have junk food, but like once a week have something I enjoy.  There’s that word again enjoy &  associated with food of course.  I still am feeling anxiety and stressed and my mood is even horrible feeling.  I don’t like it at all I was feeling like I was on top of the world until stupid tom showed up and left and gave me unwanted pounds back .  I was working out everyday when he was here yet the scale still went up and now wont go back down.  So this is where I think about the maintaining part more indepth.  I don’t really want to.  I have been doing my workouts still even with the letting myself eat what I wanted yet I can’t be happy for myself for doing that?!  I’m going to try this brutal routine again hopefully the crap is out of my system and see if the scale is going to go down this next week and if it doesn’t I may maintain for… well how long is to be decided.

I went to the Auto show the weather was horrible there were 6 accidents that we either witnessed or had passed right after they happened and that was just on the way down there!  We walked around for a few hours looking at some awesome concept cars then decided to leave for our dinner reservations.  We got out to the car only to find out the tire was flat someone slashed it (we’re in detroit it doesn’t come as a shock)  :o(  We called onstar and it was going to take 45 min. to get someone out there to change the tire so we talked the guys into changing it teehee it sucked because it felt like it was 10 below which it probably was with the windchill.  We finally made it to P.F. Changs and got ourselves appetizers, dinner,  and dessert and I partook in all of them.  The dessert was amazing probably the best dessert I’ve ever had.

Sunday night my sister and I had a movie night and sat at home watching movies well into the a.m.  yes we ate junk food and lots of it.  We went down the isles of the store I work in and loaded the cart with things from cookies to crackers to ice cream and yup some more things inbetween just when you thought I was done lol.  I had a lot of fun and when I did look at the calories in one of the foods my sister yelled at me and said “no checking calories!”  I laughed and said “oh yeah, sorry habit.”  I don’t see any plans in my future of another night like that it was enough fun to last a lifetime.  I loved spending time like that with her because we usually are found bickering with one another.

Even though I said I gave myself time off I still followed my diet some what  eating my shakes and having my fruits for my daytime snacks it was just when it came to dinner and my night time snack I let myself splurge.  I know this is called falling off the wagon and I won’t deny it,  I did,  I hate to think of it that way, but it is what it is.  I had pizza Wed. night as my last fatty dinner it was yummy cause I had been craving that stuffed crust pizza for weeks.  Oh why does food have to be so yummy and why do we feel the need to eat what we don’t need to eat…  I took today (thur) off from working out since I’ve gotten in some form of workout for the last week straight and my back is hurting me.  I went skiing Tuesday and I used to love it… every year we go, well this year I didn’t have that extra 55 pounds  on me so I froze my butt off and couldn’t stand it I had to sit the last hour of skiing out and sit inside by the fire.  Next year I know I’ll have to suit up better lol.

I know we are all here for each other and I feel like a complete biotch for not logging on and keeping in touch and offering my words of encouragement and for that I am so very sorry.  Tomorrow I’m going to catch up on everyones blogs :o)

I was so sore today after adding that 30 Day shred workout yesterday I had to peel myself out of bed to get up for the gym.  I kinda of wanted to just sleep longer and let my body rest, but I just rested Wednesday so I couldn’t do that.  I peeled myself up got out there in the bone chilling weather and dragged my but to the gym.  I got my 2 hours of cardio in and left to come home to get ready for a long night at work.

I don’t know what it is, but this weight isn’t coming off.  The scale says the same thing as it did a week ago.  I know I shouldn’t just go by the scale, but you can’t tell me it isn’t frustrating.  I’m trying to think of what I’m doing different that could be the reason.

1.  I’m breaking up my routine into 2 different times during the day one trip in the afternoon ( 2 hours)  and one at night (2 hours) it’s still equaling 4 hours.   Also  I usually do the cardio in the afternoon and the weight training at night.

2.  I have been eating more like 1300-1500 calories as opposed to my usual 1200.

3.  I’ve been doing my cardio before I eat the biggest meal of my day when I used to do it after.

I’m thinking all these combined are the reason the scale isn’t going down.   I thought you should switch things up so your body doesn’t get used your routine?!?

I didn’t get back up there tonight to do my weights I got out of work at 10:30 pm and it is so cold and I’m sore,  look at me making up excuses grr…

I’m going to the Detroit International Auto Show.  Oh La La I get to look at enormous amounts of beautiful cars.   I get to walk around for 6 hours  looking at these cars some of them are very cool concept cars.  I went last year I loved it, but I remember my feet hurting really bad from walking for so long.  I hope this year since I’m a lot lighter I’ll be more comfortable.  Oh the food choice is between my favorite P.F. Changs yum yum or Brio’s Tuscan Grille.  I looked up their menus and Brio’s is all meat filled and pasta and bread loaded so I shouldn’t really eat there.  I also can’t find the calorie info for any of the menu either.  I know what I can get at P.F. Changs and it be ok no not great, but ok.  Problem is my friend is driving and he is sick of going to P.F. Changs and wants to go to Brio oh or a carribean restaurant yeah seafood sounds delish… NOT!  I think I’m going to have to talk him into where I want to go,  we’ll see.  I’m not sure if I’ll get my workout in either because we’ll be gone all day and getting back late so thats another reason I don’t want to go to Brio, although the menu sounded great :p  Should walking around all day for seriously at the least 5 hours count for my cardio??   I hope.   I know it won’t feel like a workout so I hope I get back early enough to do some sort of workout at the gym again we’ll see.

Yes I am Excited!!! because Amy C. and her mom Shelley from the Biggest Loser are coming to the town that borders mine this Sunday.  I have this love for that show and it was the reason I started my journey when I did.  They were the purple team from the season that just ended and they are from MI also.  I read that they are going to be at a church speaking about their journey this Sunday I would give anything to go and listen to them so I hope I don’t have to work.  I know it sounds goofy, but I accredit Amy and her mother for giving me hope and helping me lose this weight because as last season BL started I decided it was time for me to lose this weight and I wanted to do it as they did it.  I tried to keep up with them and mimick some workouts I see on that show and I think it truly helped me.  I know  a lot of people don’t like this show because the weight loss is unrealistic and most don’t keep it off.  This family though is something else and I think that they are inspirational.  I don’t want anybody here to feel like I don’t accredit any of you for helping me because you are who has helped me the most,  if I didn’t feel this way I would have signed off for good a long time ago.  I am uber excited and can’t wait to get my work schedule to see if I have the morning off.  I kind of want to go up and talk to them, but would that make me look like a crazy obsessed person??

On another note today was a great day :o)  I did wake up to go workout and again my mother had my car grrr… I asked her to take me to the gym at noon so I could get my 2 hours of cardio in by the time mid afternoon hit.  Well she decided to take her time doing whatever she was doing so I waited for 1 1/2 hours to get to the gym.  I would have walked if it wasn’t like 40 below!!  So i didn’t get to the gym until 1:30 pm, but I made it that’s all that counts.  I came home and also did another half hour of cardio the Jillian Micheals 30 day shred through my cable WOW I only did the beginners and it was tough, but I loved it and will add it to my everyday routine.  I’ve now eaten and am waiting a few to go do my weight training.  When I get home I think I’m making some Death by Chocolate muffins out of my Hungry Girl book.  They are only 108 calories for one big muffin compared to like 600 that normal ones have!  Can you believe that??  I’m also excited to make those :o)   Teehee…  Now I can’t wait tillI’m done doing my weights lol

This shall be short and sweet…. well I think.  So Nancy I was so worried today because my cable and internet went out so I thought I wouldn’t get to post my weigh in and thought “oh boy my first time to weigh in and I won’t be able to,  they’re going to think I’m flaking out!” then I thought about it and realized it’s only Wednesday DUH!!  I was still a little worried I wouldn’t get to wasn’t sure when they were going to fix the problem, but here I am bloggin away yay!!  I hate not having internet I have to get on here and get my fix in lol yeah I’m addicted :p

So I used my scale for the first time and it is amazing I love it, if I could marry it I so would.  It took me a little longer to prepare my food because I was going by the weight of the food per serving instead of cups like I have been doing.  I wanted to see exactly what a serving was instead of what the package says its approximate serving would be.  For example my spinach says one serving is 3 oz. or approximatly 3 1/2 cups.  I love going by the weight it makes me feel like I’m making sure my calorie count is as dead on as it possibly can be.  It gave me a booklet of codes to put in so if I peel an orange I can put it on the scale enter the code for a raw orange and bam I get the calories, fat calories, total fat, sat fat, cholesteral, sodium, total carb, d. fiber, sugars, protien and of course how much it weighs.  That’s pretty darn awesome I think :o)  It even gives you info on alcoholic beverages to bad I don’t need those ones…

Tonight was my day off from working out I think the last time I took a day off was last Thursday so I didn’t want to get burned out.  I wanted to go, but I actually didn’t have my car today anyways, someone had to borrow it at the time I had planned to go and by the time they were done with it I had to work so I had a legitement excuse I think.  I’m just trying to finish up getting my water intake for the day per Nancy’s suggestion :o)

I’m off to read some blogs then I think I’m off to go read my Twilight book.  I just started it I’m on Ch. 2 I’m hoping it keeps me occupied so I don’t want to snack so much I have a problem with snacking at night I think I need to take some more of Nancy’s advice and try the no grazing, that Nancy she’s a smart one I tell you… oh and so far it’s a great book if anybody wants to know.

p.s. I thought I would share some things I was thinking today.  I was at work and the bakery manager told me to try one of her homeade cookies we sell them in the store & well I did have one they are small cookies and it was within my calories.  I thought of how I wish I could eat some of the junky things I used to.  I sit there and ring up peoples orders and most all of them are cookies and ice cream and brownies I love them all!!  But I just tell myself would I rather eat the crap and take that much longer to lose this weight or not eat them and keep moving forward and reach my goal weight so I would only have to worry about maintaining.  I can’t wait for the day where I have to maintain my weight and not have to lose this nasty fat lol…. Oh I think somewhere in the night I mumbled out how I could eat a whole pizza lol at least they’re just crazy thoughts and not actions that I take.  That’s all I swear.