easybreezy

I want to thank the ladies of the Wildcats for letting me be a part of such a great group of people and thank you to everybody else out there not on a team for showing such great support for me and for one another, it is because of you we are successful at what we are trying to accomplish in our lives.

Today was my only day off I’ve worked everyday for a week and I’m looking forward to doing the same this current week, so I enjoyed my day off.  I went back the the aunt and uncles to help my mom watch my grandma.  My grandma has alzheimers so and she’s reverted back to being a little kid essentially.  She sits and watches t.v. or reads and thats about it.  She doesn’t remember to do anything like cook or eat or mainly to use the bathroom.  My mom has to watch her mondays, tuesdays and thursdays.  Today I tagged along because I’m in charge of giving her mini mani’s and pedi’s when her nails get long.  I also went becuase they have air conditioning, but that wasn’t needed today it was chilly and rainy.  I thought it was summer and almost July where’s the sunshine and clear skies!?

I’m watching America’s Got Talent now I’ve never seen this show before, but the girl from MI that was on season 6 of The Biggest Loser auditioned for it so I’m curious as to what she sounds like.  She’s also going to be in a race on the 4th of July in the town right next to mine.  I love the town she’s visiting it’s called Frankenmuth it has the world’s largest Christmas store and it looks like a litte German city.  It’s a great place to go for walks in they have a great outdoors shopping center it’s super tiny so it’s not overwhelming and when you get into the downtown it’s also full of shops to go through so you can walk for miles and still have fun.  Talking about it makes me want to go there and walk through all the shops, it’s a major tourist spot.  I’m just goin on and on now so I’m ending it now goodbye for now all!

Phew this weekend was packed full of things to keep me busy.  It started with work at 7 am on Sat.  Once I was done there at noon I went straight to babysit a little munchkin.  After that it was off to an open house and I stayed there for a couple hours,  then I had to leave for yet another open house I ate at that one and stayed there with my mother for awhile.  After that my mom had to go give my grandma a bath she does this every sat night cause my grandma is incapable of doing it herself.  So I sat at my aunt and uncles while my mother bathed her and relaxed for a bit until about 10 pm then we left and went home and by then I had to go straight to bed cause I had to work at 7 am again!  I woke up on Sun so tired and exhausted from the previous days festivities only to have to go straight from work at noon to a birthday party which ended up canceled, so instead we went back to the aunt and uncles and had lunch and dinner there.  Some cousins ended up showing up with there 2 little ones, so I chased the 3 and 1 year old around the yard for a while to keep me entertained and get some exercise in.  We left their house at about 11 pm and I came home and crashed!  Thank goodness I didn’t have to be to work until noon today and I have tomorrow off.  Working out at the gym is sounding so nice and tonight I wanted to go outside so bad it looked beautiful, but there are looming storms and I don’t want to be caught outside in a lightning storm,  Hello Dangerous! Oh as I was leaving work today I hit my hand against a cooler that has like juices and pops in it, well that was at 5 pm and it’s 8:30 now and it still hurts to move and touch my hand owwie :[

On another note… I’ve been doing some thinking these past few days.  I have decided to step off of the Wildcats team and give my spot to someone more deserving than me.  I don’t feel like I have been trying as hard as I used to and ever since I have joined the team I’ve actually tried less harder than I did when I wasn’t needing to be held accountable.  So I’m going to do my own thing and challenge myself like I did when I started this jorney.  I thought when I first found this site that I needed to be on a team  and over time I learned that as long as you give encouragement and show your love towards others you don’t have to be on a team to get people to talk to you here.  I joined the team, not being on the waiting list (I don’t think)  because Nancy thought I would be a great addition and thought I could use it.  I really do enjoyed all the support you ladies give me and I wish you all the best of luck with your weekly weigh-ins!!

I’ve also been trying to think positively about my self image and myself.  Instead of hating my body and what I look like in the mirror everyday I’ve been trying to tell myself I look great so far and remind myself I looked worse a few months ago, so be happy.  When people compliment me I used to say “Oh, well I have 5o more lbs to go”  or “I haven’t lost alot, I’ve only lost 50 lbs.” and I’ve learned I need to say “Thank You” and appreciate my accomplishment thus far,  realize I’ve come along way and be grateful.  I’m slowly trying to learn how to love myself and my body and what I’ve done for myself.  It’s really hard loving yourself when you’ve hated yourself for so long.  It’s weird because I don’t remember hating myself and what I looked like when I weighed 220 lbs for so many years,  yeah I was always going on fad diets and would fall off them, but I wouldn’t careif I did.   I never told myself I was a failure and started thought bashing myself like I do now.  Maybe it’s because I knew in my head that those diets wouldn’t work and weren’t good for you and that one day I would find the right solution and be succesful and I was/am.  This is a fight for life one that I’m down for too,  I will come out on the top.  I’ve dreamt of the day that I wake up and I’m thin, healthy and beautiful I can see myself there,  I always have.  I know that it isn’t about being skinny and a size zero that’s not what I’m doing this for so if I don’t end up in a size 4 or whatever I’mtrying to learn that will be okay as long as I’m healthy on the inside.  What I’ve learned and have come to accept is that no matter what I weigh or how thin and skinny I get I will never be happy with my body I will always find something I don’t like I think it’s a human nature thing.

It another hot one out there surprise!  I’m so glad I work today.  I just wanted to type a quick one today because I have to work at 5 and I want to get a quick workout in via DVD oh I will be sweating bad considering I have no air conditioning in my house.  I haven’t decided what Biggest Loser DVD I want to do yet and I’m running out of free time lol.  I like working at night cause that means I have to take dinner to work with me and I always end my calories under 1200 and I have a small snack when I get home so that leaves me at 1200 and keeps me in check teehee :]   Well I won’t be back on tonight cause I have to work at 7 am got to come home and get my sleep.

Oh and I can’t decide if I want to pick up a book to read.  The last time I did it was the Twilight series and I couldn’t put them down so I neglected other things like working out sometimes :[  I want to read the Harry Potter books and before I start them I want to read My Sisters Keeper/  I know I am for sure going to read the latter, but those Harry Potter ones I know they will suck me in and keep me so occupied.  I already don’t work out, but I want to engage my mind.  I know ths is where the whole make time for yourself comes in and I need to work on that so I’m trying and I may just have to allot a time limit to my reading.

I’ve been a good girl these past couple of days.  No nibbling, or eating things that I shouldn’t be.  I gave myself a pat on the back for that :]  I’m having a veggie burger tonight with sweet potato fries sounds like a yummy dinner to me oh and my salad.  Everybody was buying icecream today and oh man I wanted to buy some so bad… but I didn’t.  I know I have the willpower to stay on the right track, but sometimes I just don’t want to.  You know how a little child whines and throws a tantrum that’s how I can get lol.  It makes me sound weak and I know people would say well she doesn’t have the right mindset to keep it off, but oh that is where I will prove people wrong.  That is one of my favorite things to do is prove people wrong and show them I can do things they think I can’t.  I am a strong person, when I want to be… when I’m not throwing my 2 year old tantrum bahaha.  So today was another hot as heck day and I was very very gratefull to have to work becuase I would have sweat my arse off at home, well that doesn’t sound half bad lol.

I’ve paid part of my bills off, well I paid half of what I owe towards each one.  I wish I could afford to pay them off, but it’s still rough and I can’t afford to do that.  I put my gym membership on my mothers credit card cause it was automatically deducted the 1st of every month, that was a mistake.  She doesn’t tell me when bills need to be paid it’s like if she doesn’t say anything they will go away.  Now I owe for this months gym membership no problem, but then she tells me it’s in the negative!  WTF  I’m mad because she didn’t tell me before it got out of hand so I could pay for it now it’s negative my like $100.00 that I can’t pay it all at once which puts me always behind on it… geeze I feel like I can never catch a break.  So now I have no gym membership until I can pay it all off and get it put back on my own card, for now I guess it will be the good outdoors and DVD’s I’d rather be outside or at the gym though.

Nothing going on my way, today was my day off I took my sister to get her hair done then went to the bookstore to look for passport covers.  I was looking for the People’s magazine crosswords puzzle book because I’m slightly addicted to them :p

My sister and I are doing a movie night with a little bit of pizza and a little bit of ice cream.  I know, I know not great for you, but I’ve been craving pizza for a long time now so I thought before I went crazy and splurged on something very bad for me I would get one that was slightly better thin crust veggies you know yada yada yada and the ice cream is that EDY’S loaded that has the lowest amount of fat than any other ice cream I’ve found so I thought I’d try  the butterfingers flavor.  I wanted to go out to the movies to see  The Proposa, but decided to stay in and save money and my sister insisted on watching The Day The Earth Stood Still.   Today was the only day off for me so I want to enjoy it summertime gets crazy busy with kids being out of school and all, parents have to actually feed their kids 3 times a day instead of 1 maybe 2 times so I get pretty decent hours.  Ok I’m missing my movie so I’m going to go now.  Oh and it was flippen hot here today!!  85 degrees and it’s going to be like that all week Yay!

Oh my today I had an early day.  I had to be to work at 7am so I set my alarm for 5:30am.  To me that is very early I know to some you’ve been up for hours already lol.  Well I didn’t get up until 6:20 Holy Crapo!  I rushed around my house getting ready for work and I still made it there on time :]  Thank gosh I live literally 2 seconds away.

I haven’t been doing very well sticking with the whole eating great thing.  It’s just been this week, it’s like I’m still in Birthday celebration mode and eating sweet things here and there.  I start the day off well with some oatmeal and steamed apples with yogurt, yum-yum.  Lunch is still good, but then I have been going places for dinner and well we all know others seem to serve crap on a plate.  I wish it was literally crap cause then I would for sure NOT eat it haha.  Today i went to my grandparents house for Father’s Day and they made a homemade icecream cake and she insisted I had a piece.  I hadn’t had dinner yet and they already ate so I was hungry and had to wait to eat until I went back home.  Later we sat down and ate some 7 layered salad and veggies as sort of a small very small dinner cuase that was all that was on the table, that and chicken and cottage cheese.  I had some of the salad.  I know, I know that stuff is very bad for you and I honestly have never ever had it so I wanted to know what it tasted like so I had a little not  a lot.  For dessert she brought out brownies with peanut butter in them “hello!” what are you doing to me!?  She again insisted I try one and of course it being a brownie I just had to.  So needless to say I’ve been a very bad girl.  I don’t see this as an end by no means just becuase I’ve given into a lot of temptations I can turn it around and start sticking to this like Becky does.  I need to write every morsel of food that goes into my mouth in my darn journal and I will.

Oh and I did work so I was at least active for 5 hours at work and I jumped on my grandparents trampoline with one of my brothers so I got a half hour workout on that today which was very fun by the way.

Well I must be getting to bed I have to get up early again tomorrow :]   Oh joy!

I’m back from my FUN trip to Cedar Point land a little crispy, which is funny because it was horrible out today.  I was the first to wake up in our hotel room to get ready and it was thunder storming.  I still decided to get ready in case it stopped I wanted to make sure I was ready and not holding everybody up.  Well we left out room at about 11am cause it had finally stopped and it was kind of drying up outside.  We get there and it is so empty and not hot at all to me that equals a perfect day :]  The longest we waited for a ride was a half hour!  That is great considering the first ride we went on (The Millenium Force) usually has a wait of 2-3 hours and yes everyother year I’ve been there I’ve had to wait that long and this year it was 15 minutes.  This was also the rise I was asked to test out the seat to make sure I fit into it.  This year I’m happy to say I was never once asked to check out the seat, but I did see a lot of people having to test it and I felt so bad for them :[   The day started getting warmer and when we went out to the car for lunch i realized I got a little bit of sun so oops I forgot to put on the SPF before going in so now I’m a mini lobster.  We went on all the great rides basically all the coasters and while we were on our second to last ride being The Top Thrill Dragster I noticed lighting in the sky I thought and told my friend “This can’t be safe” then it took off going 120mph once we were done with that we were goign to try going to our very last ride The Power Tower the only coaster we hadn’t gone on and we noticed they shut down ALL the rides.  We were the very LAST group of people to go on the Top Thrill Dragster.  We were so happy that we got on that one when we did cause that is all of ours favorite ride.  There were people who were strapped in the carts ready to go just sitting there stuck we giggled at them then said “oh that sucks for them.”  We decided to leave and come home that was at about 5pm.  We got about halfway to the front of the park and it started POURING!  I don’t do water rides becuase I HATE walking around in wet clothes and looking like a drowned rat so needless to say I was pissed when it started pouring, so I sit here looking like shit right now cause it’s still storming so I haven’t gotten to shower yet.  EEWWWWW!!!

I forgot to mention, for some reason I was actually really scared to go one these rides even though I had ridden ALL of them before.  I just kept thinking “I’m risking my life everytime I get in a damn line!”  Hahahaha

I’m heading out for Ohio to go to Cedar Point now.  First my friends are going to take me to my favorite restaurant P.F. Chang’s for my birthday dinner as we head down there.  I am running around trying to get last minute things together.  I had my sister go get me a footlong sandwich from subway so I can put it in a cooler so I have a good lunch while I’m at the park tomorrow.  I hate eating there it’s all crappy food and this way it’s cheaper.  I only have to figure out what I’m going to do for breakfast because I can’t eat McDonald’s like my friends do.  Not just because I’m watching what I put in my mouth, but also it really hurts my stomach I just can’t digest all that grease :[  Ok I really have to be going now.  I’ll catch up with you guys on saturday.  Wish me luck last time I went I was 225lbs and they wanted me to test out the seats right in front of everybody, before getting in line  talk about embaressing!! I’m happy to be lighter so I’ll feel safer as I’m riding the ride also.  I used to think I was so heavy my body weight could bust the seat belt and I would fall out, now I’ll even have extra room in my seats :]

Today is my “un-birthday” and I am turning…25 really I’m turning 24 again.  I liked being 24,  I’m over the whole drinking thing so I’m not very down with wanting to be 21 again and I lost a bunch of weight when I was 24 so if I had to go back it would be when I was 24.  Here’s to losing the rest of this weight when I’m 25!

To be honest I hoped to be celebrating my 25th being 100 pounds lighter, here I am 57 pounds lighter and very happy for that.  It just gives me more of a drive to get the rest off so when I turn 26 I will be 100 pounds lighter!  My brownie cake was delicious, I lit candles, but wouldn’t allow my mother to sing “Happy Birthday” to me lol… she was bummed.  Hey I said I wasn’t celebrating my birthday it was just a day that we happened to make a cake and eat it too.  I was going to post pics , but somebody (my sister) didn’t put the camera battery on the charger like I asked t her to.  So tomorrow I’ll show you a pick of my yumm-o cake and me blowing out the candles :]

For now it’s off to work, yes on my birthday.  Somebody in this house has to make money.  Oh and my friends were nice enough to let me pay them for my part of the hotel when I can so I am going to Cedar Pointe Yay… roller coaster heaven here I come!!!

I’ve picked out my dress and I absolutely LOVE it!!  Its a royal purple so its a darker color, but still is bright nothing to dark.  The only thing that sucks is I was out of work for a week so I had to use almost my whole paycheck to pay for the dress and my next check will only have 1 days worth of work on it so I’m broke broke broke.

I’m supposed to go to Cedar Pointe Thur & Fri and now I have no money to pay for a ticket, but I will find a way to get the money because I NEED to get away from my house even if it is for a night.

I decided to celebrate my birthday a day early so tonight my sister made me stuffed shells  and we bought homemade bread sticks from the bakery.  I’m so stuffed now I ate 2 shells and 3 bread sticks they were so so yummy.  I decided to treat myself to a Sprite Zero and jalapeno chex mix which I shared with my sister, that sure did clear out our sinuses lol.

I was going to make my own cake, but my sister said that was pathetic so she is making it for me right now.  I decided to do a  2 layer brownie cake so instead of cake mix I used 2 boxes of the No Pudge brownie mix and put them in 2 different round cake pans and for the frosting I’m using 2 containers of the Extra Creamy Coolwhip.  I’m putting that in 1 big bowl and adding the Heaths Toffee bits and mixing them with the coolwhip and then putting it on top of the brownies so it will be like a 2 layer cake.  The “frosting” tastes so good and it is much better for you than regular frosting so that’s how I’m justifying eating it and the brownies are fat free!  now I’ll just have to control myself and stop at 1 piece :p  Now I’m having a friends marathon  waiting for my cake to get done :]  Oh and I thought I’d let you all know… I’m skipping my birthday this year.   I told my sister this but she really wanted the cake so I told her “well I can either go out to eat or make the cake…”  she wanted the cake then I told her “Oh wait I wanted to skip my birthday this year”  she said well anybody can have a cake anytime of the year so we’re not really celebrating my birthday today or tomorrow… I’m happy to be here for another year don’t get me wrong, but really who wants to get older.  So if I have to celebrate my birthday I’m turing 24 again FYI lol.